Some Little more about me...

This is a post I am scared to write, but as you can see I have managed to do so. If you are gonna read this do so with a lot of attention of what all things I am writing down.

Why is it scary? It is because, when I write about something, when I describe something, and write it down and share it, it becomes something. It becomes something, meaning, it is proof of that thought process.
Now this comes with a lot of baggage. Firstly the question of how much truth it has in it is a hindrance. Truth is: "what is". And you in your own words can say only that much about truth, as much you have perceived about it. As I am not enlightened yet I know that my perception is possibly flawed, that means that it is not the complete truth. Whatever is not truth is a False, and hence it is a lie.

I love a lot of things in loops, never-ending loops, loops on different levels generating the similar conditions on each level. Basically I love recursion. And due to this, I have loads of thought processes which don't end. It is a game my mind and I keep playing, describing a thing in terms of another and then back in terms of the first one. This causes infinite amounts of connected thoughts to keep swirling in my mind, which tires me and makes me go to sleep. On a day, on which I am not particularly attending to urgent stuff I simply go off to sleep due to this reason.

The stack containing calls of the knowledge 'pages' I have referred to in the recursive definition of some other knowledge; overflows, causing my mind to burst. And making people think that I need to go to an asylum soon. But here in Meditation comes to the aid.

I'd give you one example, easier one, so that you can follow: I imposed a lot of discipline over myself  lately. But one should not impose anything over themselves, it is a form of violence. Having restrictions doesn't work, so i hear by restrict myself to impose restrictions, but this is again a restriction. So I then would try to let go of the whole thought process, but this thought of let going a thought process is again a thought, and I'd have to let go of this too, But how should I decide...... Get the feel !

Earlier in the article I used the words 'write it down and share it' : There is also a lot of stuff that I write down but never share, because it should not be, due its contents. It is a type of LET GO. And then I leave it to Guruji to fix all that stuff.

I also used the words ' it is a proof of that thought process' :
You know sometimes I do have pretty disturbing thoughts, but as I learnt to meditate, I learnt to let go of such thought processes, they stopped disturbing me so much, and even if they came I'd know what to do, I'd know that it is just a "thought". Thoughts are a dime a dozen,  a dime a million rather and the weight of a thought is only as much attention you give to it. Giving it positive value, thinking more in that direction or resisting it, either way amounts to attention.
So I'd close my eyes and for a few minutes meditate, for a few minutes observe. Observe the sensations in the body and observe the flow of mind, and it would all subside.

But this didn't change the fact that I had some pretty bad thoughts and I used to identify myself with them, so I used to fear them, because due to them I did not like myself. Most people say that 'Everyone has skeletons in their closet', for me it was more like a graveyard, of things I'd not wanna tell anyone about.
I was not able to accept myself as it is, and for me it was so far-fetched that some other person would actually be able to accept me once they would know who 'I am'.

Acceptance by others, was the turning point, I'd say. It is what pushed me into Art of Living. It was how I "Stumbled into my own Infinity".

People here are better than friends, from the first moment on they cared like family. When you are with them, you do not have to worry, they'd take care of you. I have innumerable number of such instances. They understand you so well, whatever you have to say or even whatever you leave unsaid. They get you and even if they don't; they wish for you to grow and find your own answers. They are comfortable with you, and so you have no reason left not to be comfortable with yourself and with them.

To them I could recount each event and I know they wouldn't judge. They would not see you with disgust or with pity. Why I mention these two emotions is that these are the only two emotions I think would come to another person when you'd tell them your deepest darkest secrets.

They would be compassionate and urge you to move forward. And the best part about it all is they are all there for you.

Another thing that scares me is what if I am not able to follow what I preach, or what if my own perception about a thing changes. That just freaks me out. I do write only about what I've experienced, what I have felt deeply sometime, but what if some other time, I do not follow that myself. What then!

I have grown up in a home where, "Anything you say or do can be used against you". This always keeps you on your toes and doesn't let you make many mistakes, it is a good thing, but also tiring. You expect home to be a place where you can rest, where you do not have to worry about the consequences. But my place somewhat resembles like a "court of Law", in the "Big Boss house" (everyone is watching), wherein we all play "Last Man Standing".
At my home we all have the 'Haryanvi zeal' to speak and to take a dig at each other combined with the pure intellect of engineers, a doctor and a teacher to support our words. It is like you are your own team at all time, and you are perpetually in this war of words to make the other person think more of you.
Don't worry we are nice to other people who come to our home, and you are welcome anytime.

So I always worry, what if some time some one will blow this all up in my face. And I sincerely, wish to let go of this fear too. Hence I shared.

I hope you are still with me, and give me freedom to express more.

Love and Hope

Manik

Jai Gurudeva!

DEAD or ALIVE

BlogoMania. Yes That is What they are gonna call these successive posts !

Anyhow! I have stopped caring about the page views and now am gonna write down some serious stuff for you all. And by Serious i mean "Sincerely Manik". So if you haven't started following my blog yet, do it.

Okay ! So start guessing what is this post about. Here are the clues:

even-odd

empty - full

free - bound

merry - sad

poetry - prose

win - lose

wrong - right

yes - no

yin - yang

Provided that you have graduated primary school, by this time you would have guessed that it is something related to Opposites.

You couldn't?

I mean seriously with the  "Yes-No" and "Yin-Yang" in the clue pool ? #BlameItOnCongress

Coming back!

Life is full of opposites. You are happy sometimes then again you are sad the other times. You are with  people sometimes and alone the other times. You bathe some days and on the other days - Not so much.

Did you notice the use of 'sometimes' and 'the other times' ? Yes, it is like that pretty much. Either-Or. They are disjoint sets. Either you could have had a good refreshing dump in the morning or (most likely) not. Both feet on the same side of the court.

This Law of Opposites, that they co-exist whatsoever, is rather a "if-only if" type of a law. The existence of the first attribute is completely dependent on its oppositely-valued attribute, and vice versa.

Don't Feel it yet?

• How about the movie Sholay, without 'Sir' Gabbar Singh or Batman The Dark Knight without The Joker.
• Or the existence of the ultimate debate: who is better Federer or Nadal, with the absence of either. 
• Try to define counter-clockwise without clockwise, or female without male, or acids without alkalies.

If I were to say that you never got dirty, I mean never. Everything was always clean. Then the word dirty has lost its important because it will not occur anymore, right? But think again if something was never dirty, then you would never categorize things as dirty or clean. Then Clean, by the mere removal of the word dirty, will no longer be needed too. Everything would be. Would just be, rather than being clean.

Getting to the point. The point is that why are we hung up over some negative things, when we know that without having experienced the positive we wouldn't have ever known "what is negative". And having experienced the positive sometime, why weren't you equally over-joyed as much as you are depressed now! 

Sri Sri said once(I'm paraphrasing): You are holding onto the negative, just let it go. Just see that positives and negatives come and go and look back into your experiences, you would see that the amount of positive is much more than the amount of negative. Just see. 

dharma-adharmo sukham-dukham mansani na tey vibho

na kartasi na bhoktasi mukt evasi sarvada

The more you hold onto anything the more elongated it becomes. Just let it be. It will pass more quickly!

Tarique Khan, a YES!+ teacher, told us on our journey to Winter-Break 2011- '12:  Look back and see; the more amount of sorrow/difficulty you have experienced, equally happy you have been some other times. The Range expands equally in both directions away from 0.

" In Mathematics when you add all things 

of equal magnitude and having opposite signs

You get a zero, Nothing.

But In Life when you add all things having equal magnitude but opposite signs

you get Everything. "

And remember, if there is absence of something, for it to be absent now, it would have to be present some other time. 

And if-only if, you are able to take in your stride both the aspects of an attribute, then you shall be immortal, whether you be Dead or Alive.

With Love (i.e. without hatred)

Manik

Jai Gurudeva

Cliffhanger:

Things are not always either-or, truth is contradictory, paradoxical and sometimes by the virtue of this very trait very annoying / wondrous.

For Wise men think alike and fools seldom differ, So I think you should come back for the next post to decide: if it is wise or not, to come!

Back To Square One

I Know it has been long. Quite long.

They Say that it takes a lot of courage to walk this path. TRUE. Why?

 Because on the path, a lot of time you fall through. 

You literally fall through; through all your concepts, your achievements, your joys, sorrows, feelings etc. Your identity collapses time and again, which is a good thing, but hard to swallow at that moment. Hard to comprehend as to what now! Where to pick-up yourself from and even what defines "yourself" then.

When you started walking this path, there were some changes that you achieved in yourself, some expectations and desires that were fulfilled.
Now, What if those changes were to be reverted back; the wishes once fulfilled were now again left unsatisfied? 
What if you had "judged" the whole weight of the path on those factors.

What if you were thrown back to SQUARE 1 ? 

In those testing times, it is your faith in the Master, and nothing else that will keep you 'breathing'. And your master isn't here to make the circumstances better for you. Everything wouldn't be Disney-land, all goody-goody. No ! He is here to make you strong. 

Remember, whenever you are stuck there is something you will learn before you will get out of it. Rather, that is the only way you will get out of it. It is just like a Video game; without the proper power-up you wouldn't be able to clear the level.

There would be something you would need to do right, this time around. And consider yourself very lucky, that you do not have to take another birth just to come make it right, your Guru has given you a chance here itself, in this lifetime.

"Life pushes you back to square 1.

Shouldn't it be more fun, riding your way back to that square, 

because you already know the way and now you can reach in style and perfection,

and as if you don't care.

If that is not the case,
and the conditions are new, then I must break it to you

Congratulations! You are on SQUARE  x + 1 ."

With Love from square x+1
Manik
Jai Gurudeva

P.S. Cheat codes: the "5 S" Saadhna, Seva, Satsang, Smile & Swadhaya.
Food for thought: If you have realized it that, you are on square x+1, then why should it be any different if instead of life pushing you back to square 1; it is Death that pushes you back.